“Earlier today a journalist asked me for my top 10 braai tips. Considering that I did not have such a list of tips, I sucked them out of my thumb. Here they are:

  1. Nothing beats a real wood fire.
  2. Gas is Afrikaans for a guest at your braai, not something you braai with.
  3. Braaing is the only fat-negative way of cooking food. Even when you steam it, the fat in the food stays behind. When you braai, the fat drips out.
  4. Never braai with indigenous wood. Alien vegetation like Rooikrantz and Blackwattle drink lots of ground water and besides, it’s good burning Australian rubbish.
  5. Braaing is a direct form of energy use, from the coals, to your meat. With conventional electricity there is a lot spillage between the power plant, power lines, electricity box, wires, stove and pan. If you love the earth, braai.
  6. Have enough ice at your braai. To put in Klipdrift & Coke, to keep Castles cold, and to treat burn wounds with.
  7. Smoke flies to pretty people, so send them to the kitchen to go and make salad.
  8. Animals eat grass, leaves and vegetables all their lives and convert it to meat. Eating meat is like eating vitamin pills.
  9. A cow must only be killed once. Do not braai you steak until the flavour is dead.
  10. A braaibroodjie is your chance in life to have you bread buttered on both sides.”

Source: Jan Braai – www.braai4heritage.co.za

Collin came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.

“Who the hell are you?” Demanded Collin, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”

The mysterious Man answered, “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St Peter”.

Collin was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said good-bye to my family….you’ve go t to send me back straight away”.

St Peter replied “Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.

We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.”

Collin was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

“This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, “So you’re the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?”

“It’s not so bad” replies Collin, “but I have this strange
feeling inside like I’m about to explode”.

“You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before”. “Never” replies Collin

“Well just relax and let it happen”

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him…ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting
Collin, skrik wakker jou dronk vark, jy KAK in die bed!!!”